Malicious Mac Madness

This is my mac... cooking pizza.. its preferred job over helping me get stuff done. (Its name is Leeloo)

This fine piece of mastery is Beetle Juice the love of my technological life. <3

First off Leeloo. Leeloo is my mac book pro from summer 07'. She was supposed to last me though college even grad school, I was told over and over again oh your an art student you need this it will be the best thing you ever get for school you will love it for ever. Therefore I figured why not and gave it an endearing name I named it after Leeloo from the 5th Element a bad ass woman savior of the world who also is crazy enough to wear cheese strap suspenders. It felt fitting when I was able to do what I needed and kept all my art organized and happy. The screen had no glossy crap coated all over it and the colors were nice and true. However the honey moon soon ended when I started getting burns on my legs from using it on my lap. The horrific terror continued as the heat began eating at the parts like acid indigestion, and kept getting hotter and hotter the entire time. Months go by then a year, all the time continuing its unknown acid-y destruction is getting worse and worse until 6 months ago when it melted all of its parts minus the hard drive. Luckily under apple care it was all replaced no charge however the problem remained. Still over heated but now it was worse turn it on it over heats there for everything became more difficult constant freezing, sometimes it just turns off, or I am left with the eternal spinning mac wheel of death. But  now I am faced with the same ill fated problem as before. A dying internally mangled hunk of metal that is like a bad boyfriend who eternally lets you down. This leads me to my next problem what to get next, I can not afford to make another mistake so it is a taxing decision.

My criteria for this new piece of machinery? Well i want it to be more like Beetle Juice but just in a smaller package. Reliable, strong, keeps its cool and is motivated to do lots and lots of late night projects that will push it to better itself. I want a sleeping tiger of a laptop who wakes up and is ready to hunt when I need it. Who will rise to the occasion who will create this beast for me?? At the moment I am looking at a sager, if anyone reads this and has a suggestion let me know! I want only the best of the best if it dies I will be forced to throw it through your window with a mean note attached... possibly also a flaming bag of feces not sure yet if it will be mine or that of an animal, which I will have to capture. So be warned only full on rape machines need apply for the job of being my laptop!